3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
