come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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