I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
