In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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