I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
