Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
