ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
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I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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