those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Welp...herpes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
