Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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