Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.