Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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