Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
