Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i only shaved half my leg
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE