Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
