I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
