it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
