Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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