That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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