Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So apparently I’m into choking now
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