and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
