This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize