I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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