Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
