It's like God shit irony all over that family
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
