ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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