I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
