I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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