I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
