who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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