Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
