mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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