Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
