What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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