: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
