You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
