So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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