Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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