i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
