Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
