But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
