how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
