An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
