shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
