Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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