I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
