I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
