that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
