i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
