...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
