Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
