if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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