You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
