I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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