no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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