see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
