We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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