I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
