Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
