U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The air taste purple.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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