Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
