He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
