i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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