No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
