I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she peed on how many people?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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