Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
