Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
