Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
