Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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