I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
