YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize