i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
