And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
