...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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