You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
