Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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