Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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