Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
